I remember exactly when it started.
It was a Tuesday. I was sitting at my desk staring at the same spreadsheet I had been staring at for an hour. Then my heart started pounding. Not the “I had too much coffee” kind. The kind where you think you might actually be dying.
I went to the bathroom and sat on the floor for 15 minutes. This became a regular thing.
For almost a year, I thought I was losing my mind. I had a good job, a good salary. I did everything the internet told me to do. I tried meditation apps. I cut caffeine. I went to yoga. None of it touched the low-grade dread that just lived in my chest.
The insomnia was the worst part. I would wake up at 3 AM and my brain would replay every email I sent, every conversation I had, every tiny mistake I might have made years ago.
How I stumbled into something that helped
A friend from my hiking group noticed I had been quiet for months. She didn’t try to give me advice. She just listened. Then she pulled something out of her wallet. It was a small yellow paper folded into a triangle.
“This is going to sound weird,” she said. “But keep it somewhere you will see every day.”
It was a Peace Protection Talisman from Gentlwish. Hand-drawn with red ink. Nothing flashy. I was skeptical — I am a pretty logical person. But I put it in my wallet anyway.
The first week, nothing changed. I was still anxious. But I noticed something. Every time I opened my wallet, I would see that little yellow triangle. And I would remember what my friend said. About being held, even for a second.
I started a small habit. Every morning, before looking at my phone, I would take it out and hold it for 30 seconds. I would think of one thing I was grateful for. No candles. No incense. Just a quiet moment.
Over time, something shifted. I stopped waking up at 3 AM. The panic stopped hitting me out of nowhere. I started sleeping through the night.
Was it the talisman?
Honestly, I do not know. Maybe it was the ritual. Maybe it was just time. Maybe it was placebo.
But I stopped caring which one it was. I got better. And that little talisman was part of it.
I know a lot of people are out there feeling how I felt. Sitting at their desk, pretending everything is fine, while inside they are falling apart.
You do not need to believe in anything. You just need one small thing that reminds you that you are safe.
For me, it was a hand-drawn Peace Talisman from Gentlwish. Small enough to carry in my pocket. Quiet enough to let me find my own way back to calm.
If you are struggling, I hope you find your thing too.